I am not a perfectionist, but I do get very hard on myself when I don’t pick up on something right away. I’ve been frustrated in the past few weeks because of some minor errors that snowballed into awkward conversations. I’ve had to concede to myself that flubs like this are normal and given the circumstances (of which I’ll be vague, because I am enjoying this job), to be expected as I learn the ropes.
I also started this job at 8 weeks pregnant. Given that I last threw up around the 19-20 week mark, I could probably cut myself some slack for being low on mental and physical energy. I’m now hanging out at 22 weeks and my brain is just now snapping back into action.
I now commute an hour each day, 30 minutes here and 30 minutes back home, and sometimes I leave the radio off to think in the quiet. The past year has been intense, and while it was cumbersome to change jobs so soon after starting a new one, it was a good transition time from being part-ish time working at home to being full-time out of the house. New-old job was in the city I live in, so it was possible to navigate things like my son starting kindergarten and handing over the house responsibilities to my husband. I don’t think I would have been able to pull off starting the new-new job under the same circumstances.
New-new job is intense and demands a lot of my mental energy. Lots of meeting people, lots of history behind almost every project, and lots of dredging of knowledge I haven’t had to use in years. On top of that, life has been intense and I’m finding myself with little personal time to sift through everything on my mind. I have noticed, though, that when I take the time out of my day to write an e-mail to a friend or do something creative, everything else seems a little easier to do. I have an ADHD diagnosis, of which I’m wary, but it is hard for me to focus if I have too much on my mind.
I’ve done morning pages in the past, but doing them upon waking up is just not how I’m wired. Mental things don’t come easy to me before 10am. (Different story with physical tasks. Weed the garden, clean the house, fold the laundry? Absolutely in the morning.)
Here’s my challenge to myself: take the time in the morning to get all this crap out of my head. I am spinning wheels otherwise trying to do my work, and considering that I’m expecting a baby and buying a house on top of starting a very demanding professional job (during a pandemic), it may be the key to holding my sanity.
